In May we took a much needed trip abroad to the Alps (can't wait to post all about it). It was a nice hiatus from work and life stress, but it wasn't really a break from my TTC regiment. I found myself on an airplane giving myself shots! Ouch. Definitely not ideal. Welcome to my life!
Since my May Dr. appointment, I have been back twice and there has been absolutely no change in my TNF-alpha labs. After getting stung by a Bumble Bee, getting super tan from prescribed sunning, and a Vitamin D shot among other things, my TNF-alpha remains low. Again, good for inflammation but bad for baby making since low TNFa is correlated with infertility and miscarriage. Every two-three weeks I have been going back to the lab to see if there's been a change only to confirm that there hasn't been the slightest change. At my last visit with the Dr. he made one last change to my plan.
TNF-Alpha Change Attempt #4
I got sent home with a new prescription for Oxytocin intramuscular injections. I have to do these twice a day for the next two weeks. Lucky for me, I will now be doing four shots a day. On the bright side, it's only for two weeks. I'm praying that it will kick my TNF-alpha levels in the right direction because I don't want to think about going longer than two weeks on four shots a day. Really really hoping for the best.
If it seems slow, wait for it, it will surely come
and will not delay - Habakkuk 2:3
Do I feel frustrated? Yes, I think anyone having to do four shots a day would feel frustrated. I also feel impatient, mostly because I'm a Sagittarius being placed in the worst position possible. In a place where I feel my options are being constrained. I also hate limbo. I always have. It's definitely difficult for me to be doing so much and not seeing any change or progression.
However, when I really think about it, I realize that this is not my time but God's time. He allowed me to find this Dr., he allowed me to find answers and I just need to trust that he will also reveal his will in his time and not my own.
I can't say that I'm even mentally ready to embark on pregnancy #3, so in the end I really don't mind all the waiting around. It's the inability to choose my course of progression that bothers me; that feeling of having your hands tied that get's me. Evenso, I will dwell in this discomfort and use it as an opportunity for personal growth.
Hoping for the best & taking one step at a time through this TTC After Loss journey. How do you deal with waiting?