Today is exactly one day after October 15, yet there isn't a single day that I don't have our baby in my thoughts. For those of us who have lost a baby, we live October 15 every single day of the year. How do I remember my baby differently now that we have been blessed with a rainbow?
A Baby Brother You Never Met...
I find myself wondering how I will ever be able to describe Julian to our rainbow baby one day. The truth is I have the perfect little baordbook I made about Julian that I could read to E the way I also read it to V. Through pinhole press, I was able to upload some pcitures of Julian and wrote a child friendly story about him. I have already started telling E about his baby brother that he never met, by showing him the cover and a few pictures I have from Julians angelversary. We'll see where that leads as he grows and is better able to understand.
We May Not Be Whole But...
There is a sense of peace and satisfying happiness that I feel as our rainbow baby E continues to grow healthy and strong. As we see his little personality blossom, I am reminded of how wonderfully sweet life is with a baby. As I see E + V love on eachother in a way I never imagined, my soul feels satisfied and abundantly blessed. I see my oldest become entirely fulfilled at having a younger brother to hold, to kiss, to tickle and get annoyed of. The moments when I see Julians little lips and nose resembled in E's little face, I know that he will never be replaced in my heart and I realize how silly I was to ever have feared that he would be.
I Am Excited for The Future...
In a way that I havent been for a very long time. I actually can't even beleive I just typed that out and seeing it on the screen makes me happy. The world may not be headed toward a positive future politically, climatologically, or even socioeconomically speaking. But for our earthly family of four, we are content in our present sate and in our hope of being reunited with Julian again one day.
May we all heal đź’—
