October 15

Don’t worry, everything will turn out just fine with this baby. The baby you lost was a one in a million chance, kind of like a lighting strike - My high risk OBGYN

Every single prenatal appointment for Eliaz, I had to sit through different variations of the phrase above. By the 3rd time I heard ‘lighting strike’ I had to verbally tell my high risk OBGYN that hearing that didn’t make me feel any better and no amount of her minimizing the risks of another pregnancy loss would make me stop feeling anxious or worried. You simply cannot have a pregnancy after loss and be completely blissful and naive like you were before. You can’t just shove all the stillbirth or miscarriage statistics out of your mind. You can’t take the anxiety away from loss moms because in this case, their anxiety is justified.

I was lucky(or watched over) to have a maternal fetal specialist on my team who didn’t try to make me feel better with empty platitudes and white lies. Instead it was reassuring that he actually looked at the hard cold numbers and facts and took them seriously. I didn’t need a personable doctor who tries to make me feel better, I needed one who would do their very important job-save lives.

In the end, my high risk OB stopped using that phrase and admitted to me that she was wrong and if we hadn’t delivered Eliaz early, then he would probably have suffered Julian’s demise.

October is #pregnancylossawarenessmonth and I just want to say, hang in there loss mama, be kind to yourself and though we may heal, there are wounds that will always remain a tender reminder of a loss so great and so present that no one will ever be able to minimize. Nor should they.

Sending healing to all! 💗💗💗